This is the post I was dreading posting. It's the post that I thought I would not have to write for some reason, but after flying out to New York and doing our first transfer, we are not pregnant. Let's start at the beginning.
Matt and I flew to New York on Thursday 23rd October. Arriving at some silly hour of the night we drove to our hotel in the city. Waking early Friday morning we visited a clinic local to the Hotel to have our blood and urine work done. Once we were done with that we got the train into Manhattan where we spent the day doing some sightseeing. We then met up with the marvellous Jeff (a Moderator on the SMO boards) and his gorgeous son Henry for dinner. After that we went to a Broadway show. Basically we were keeping ourselves busy. We were not needed in Connecticut until at the earliest Monday, so Matt and I headed south to Washington DC on the Saturday morning for the weekend. We had a lovely time in the City. Matt had never been before, so it was great to spend the weekend in the beautiful city wondering around museums and monuments! On the Saturday afternoon Norma called us to tell us that the egg retrieval was taking place first thing Monday morning, so we got up at stupid o'clock and drove from Washington DC to Bridgeport Connecticut making it to Bridgeport at 8am in time to provide our sperm samples. While there, we bumped into our Egg Donor which was a little awkward as other than a handful of emails, we had never spoken to her... after the startled rabbit in the headlights moment, our Egg Donor went off for her procedure and Matt and I did what we needed to do to provide our samples. After that we went to our hotel in Bridgeport, begged them to let us check in early, got to our room and fell asleep. On Tuesday we headed down to New York to pick up Norma from the airport. On the drive down we received rather upsetting news. Prior to our trip to America I had been really ill and had been on antibiotics and every sort of flu remedy as I had a really nasty dose of flu and bronchitis. The Embryologist called to say that my fertility had been affected and when he checked the embryo's that morning, all my sperm had died and it looked like none of my embryo's had fertilised. Matt's had been fine and he had 4 embryo's developing well, three looking good, one doing ok. We were both shaken by this news. I just felt wrenched and honestly felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. I kept it together though and we picked Norma up from the airport and drove to our hotel in New York. That night we went to see Avenue Q on Broadway with Norma and as much as I enjoyed the show, I was secretly dying inside. The thought that I now did not have even a shot at being a biological father was more upsetting than I thought it would ever be. The funny thing is Matt and I had always discussed this issue. And before we knew we could both fertilise eggs and implant from both Intended Fathers, the choice was Matt would go first simply because his parents have no grandkids yet, whereas mine have five. And I was completely cool with that. And even after this incident I knew I would adore and love any kids that were biologically Matt's as much as I would my own, and I still truly feel that way, it was simply the fact that I did not even have a chance which upset me so much. And I felt angry with myself for being sick and for taking the meds I did... Later when we were alone in the room, I felt really upset. But I am a pretty practical chap and a realist, so I came to terms with it all by the following morning. My main concern was it looked like we only had three maybe four viable embryos to work with.
We got a call from Dr Doyle's office on Wednesday 22nd October arranging a meeting with Dr Doyle to discuss the transfer. We arrived at the office about 20 minutes early and waited... it felt like the longest 20 minutes ever. Eventually we were called through and Norma, Matt and I went into his office. The first thing he said was that things had changed! And I now had THREE embryos progressing well and Matt had THREE too! I cannot put into words the rush of relief/elation I felt at that moment. I just wanted to jump up and scream! Dr Doyle then went onto explain that my embryos were about 12 hours behind Matt's. Matt's were at the 8 cell stage while mine were at the 4 cell stage, HOWEVER, all were Grade A's and there was no problem with this. He did however want to do a day 3 transfer AND....... he wanted to transfer 4 embryos. Day 3 was the following day. So he arranged for us to come in late afternoon for the transfer. The following day we took a drive up to a Mall in Northern Connecticut then found the coast and an Italian restaurant for lunch. We arrived at Dr Doyle's office and we were nervous as all hell. Dr Doyle arrived and immediately put us at ease. I cannot sing his praises enough! He showed us photo's of the embryos he was transferring, allowed us to observe the transfer through the window watching what was happening on a plasma screen. The procedure took about 10 minutes start to finish after which he came out and chatted to Matt and I and answered all our stupid questions. We took Norma back to the Hotel and got her all settled! She had to be on bed rest for 36 hours. So we hung out in the hotel room with her playing board games and watching pay per view movies and eating pizza! Norma flew home to Denver on the Sunday evening and Matt and I remained in the US until Wednesday 5th November. We popped into Dr Doyle's office on the Monday morning and were told none of the remaining embryos we had on ice had made it. They had both failed, so basically we had all our eggs in one basket... On Tuesday November 4th we were in New York when Barrack Obama was elected President which was an amazing experience in itself!
When we arrived back in the UK both of us felt a little lost... we were officially on the two week wait for the Beta results. Norma was 5000 miles away on the other side of the world and all we could do was wait. Norma was using home pregnancy tests like a smoker uses cigarettes... I swear she was on 20 a day at one stage! She was getting feint positives on them. HOWEVER on Sunday 9th we woke to devastating news. Norma had gone to her local hospital to have her Beta done a few days early. Her result was just over 5 and was told by the doctor it was most likely a chemical pregnancy and we would know for sure on Monday. Matthew and I went into our own personal meltdown. Truly not knowing what to say to each other, we simply sat staring at each other. Thank God our Canadian friend had flown into the UK earlier that morning on business and we had plans to meet up with her because she took us out of the pit we had fallen into and forced us to talk it all through and have a nice dinner and visit with her. On the Monday we had it confirmed and Norma was told to stop her meds. We had the worst week ever after that as all the questions we had were raised and could never be answered. However we picked ourselves up and started sorting out what next? And how... And when... We arranged a telephone consultation with Dr Doyle who was as usual just marvellous. Matt and I decided round two was in order and as soon as possible. So, we chose a new egg donor and I have to say she is STUNNING! We are using frozen eggs this time... our flights are booked. Norma's flights are booked. The time line is in place. The hotels are booked. Matt, Norma and I are ready for ROUND TWO! We feel quietly optimistic, but reserved given the knock back we had. Financially and emotionally draining the first attempt has left us feeling reserved. Excited, but reserved. We have the utmost faith in Dr Doyle, his team and Norma and we know our dream will become a reality one day... perhaps not as soon as we would have liked, but it will happen. We are going to be the most thankful and proudest dad's on this planet when it does happen!!!
Anyone reading this considering a surrogacy journey, all I will say is be prepared for the knocks and roll with them. It is an amazing ride to be on!
Over and out folks! More to follow!
